Dear Mr. Ahmadineschad,
I think you know me, you wrote me a letter some months ago and sometimes you can even see me on your tv screen – yes, it`s me, George W. from the United States of America!
You know, we had some difficulties in the past. My country delivered Saddam chemical weapons and other military stuff during the war with your country. And after the Islamic Revolution took place in your country, some protesters took the personal of the US embassy in Teheran as their hostages.
But, Mahmud, I think these times haved passed. Today, right now, we should start a new relationship, and, the leader of the free world (yes, that`s me!), will make the first step, yes, I`ll do!
I will be open with you, I have a problem – a very serious one – my daughters. Maybe you heard of them, they are so lovely, well educated and very kind to elderly people like Laura and me. But they are so bloody young and sometimes wild, very wild, and, you know, young people do crazy things sometimes, very very crazy things.They drink beer (you know, I also did when I was young, and I drunk a lot of it, but then God appeared and from that moment on, I swear, I`m dry), do nutty things and maybe they get also involved with boys. So imagine, you are the leader of the world (like me), you have to deal with the Middle East, with China, Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro and all these puppets and then you come back home – and the trouble starts again. That`s very exhausting.
So, Dick, you know, my vice-president that loves to shoot ducks or hunting partners J, Laura and I made a plan. The plan is phantastic, it`s just great, and will solve so many problems. So, let me explain…
First of all, let us fix my problems – Jenna and Barbara. I read your recent blog entry and while reading your post, a very, really very very good idea, I would say a brilliant one, appeared on my mind. You wrote about the brilliant University of Teheran and how you enjoyed your time there, and I think now you see where my point is…Yes, I think it`s a good idea to send Jenna and Barbara to the University of Teheran for some years. What was good for you, won`t be bad for my girls, won`t it? There they can study, get connected to a different culture and make some new friends. Furthermore, Condi, my Secretary of State and sometimes a very, very good friend to me (you know what I mean J) told me, that in your country, alcohol and intersexual contact between unmarried people are prohibited and, guess what, that`s really really great!! I looked for years, really many many years, for such a place here in the States, but never found such a lovely one. Now, I´ve found one – Teheran!! And you, my friend, are the president of the country and also a former mayor of Teheran, so, I´m sure, you can fix all necessary things. And you will benefit, be sure.
So you take my daughters and I´ll give you another nice present – the Iraq. You know, we are there now for more then three years and I´m tired of all the bad news from Baghdad. So you can have it. Most of the people there are Shiits, you are a Shiit and most of your people are Shiits, so why wont bring together, what belongs together? So you get the Iraq and my daughters, I think this is a very good day for you Mahmud! And when you own the Iraq, you no longer have to be hostile to Israel, because you have so much land and your people will love you, maybe you can tell them YOU are the hidden 12th Imam? So you won`t need nuclear weapons and we dont have to start war against each other. Wouldn`t that be great, really great?
So, let me hear what you think about my ideas. But, ahhh, don`t call me. You know the NSA wiretapes all phones nowerdays, I can`t remeber why, but, they do…so…just send me an e-mail, you have my account.